Baby Trotter's Due Date 8/24/2010

Angel of Hope

This day, August 24th, 2010, I knew would come. I was not sure how I would feel when this day finally arrived. Adam and I took the day off work to spend it together. Adam planned the day out and it was perfect. One thing we wanted to do was to visit the 'Angel of Hope' statue in Saint Charles, which was part of a support group, SHARE, for parents who have suffered early pregnancy lost and other reasons for the loss of a child. Adam and I attend SHARE a couple times about 2 months after the loss of Baby. 

The statue and surrounding area is intended to be a place of peace and healing for all bereaved parents. 

There are memorial bricks placed around the Angel of Hope twice a year in a brick dedication ceremony, held in April, before Mother's Day and Father's Day, and in November, in time for the holiday season.

When we arrived there and seen all the bricks with family names on them my heart just ached for all these families because, I too, knew the pain in their own hearts. 

So for Mother's Day this year SHARE had this thing on butterflies that they gave to the mom's. It said along the lines of butterflies are memories of the children we have lost. So with that Adam's mom gave me a small jewelry glass box that had butterflies on it, which brings me to this...When Adam and I went to the statue we walked around and read some of the names and then came together and just stood in front of the statue and just then about 10 yellow butterflies just surrounded us out of no where! It gave us chills and was very emotional and amazing! The butterflies were there for about 30 seconds and then they all flew away except for one. That one butterfly stayed around us the whole time we were there. At that moment, I almost felt a sense of peace from God. It was a magical moment we will never forget!

Here is the yellow butterfly. 

Later on that day we went to Build-A-Bear and built a cream colored bear and named it HOPE! 

JharderPhotograpy

Our dear friend John Harder, did a photo shoot with us and told our story! Here is his work. Thank you John!

So about 5 months ago I started to get to know my now good friends Adam and Jessica. Unlike most of my friendships we became close...fast. When I met these two they were expecting their first child. A HUGE adjustment in life after being married for such a short time. They were excited, obviously, just like every new parent. Jess had pictures of the baby bump and Adam would boast about the fact that he would soon be a dad.


It wasn't long after knowing these two that I got a message from Adam saying : "Found out today that we lost Baby Trotter, appreciate the prayers." What a blow, like sucker punch to the stomach. Obviously myself as well as an abundance of other friends and family began to pray for these two....and pray hard. Jessica had a LONG road ahead of her physically as they both did emotionally. After the loss of baby Trotter, Adam bought a necklace for Jessica that they designed. On one side is engraved the date they found out they were pregnant as well as the date of the surgery. On the other side it says "baby Trotter, we love and miss you, love mommy and daddy". Attatched to the necklace is an angel and the march birth stone.

I know that there are so many people out there in the world that know what these two have had to go through, but I can't even imagine. It's heartbreaking to know that your close friends, who you love, have to go through something so devistating. There comes a point when your words aren't going to do anything. All you can do is pray and let them know that you will be there. It's such a helpless feeling, but I know that these two feel the love of the people around them knowing they have people they can lean on in this hard time.


As I've grown to know these two better something I can tell without question is how much Adam is in love with his wife. I asked the two of them some questions about their relationship and this is what Jessica had to say about Adam:

"I have never had anyone (a man) be by my side (besides God) as much as Adam. During this time he truly showed me unconditional love, "in sickness and in health". He went to all the doctors appointments with me and never once made me feel like he would rather be doing anything else besides being right by my side.....In the past 6 months Adam has truly learned how to put me before himself. Unfortunately, on March 1st, 2010 I have never seen so much pain in anybodies eyes as I did my husbands when the doctor said " I am sorry to say there is no heartbeat coming from your baby". With this pain I have seen Adam grow into the man/husband I know God set out for Adam to be and I have seen Adam and I's love not only grow much more for each other but also for our Creator!"


Every week Jessica has had to go get her blood work done. She has had to receive a form of chemo treatment. There was even a night when I went over to their house to spend time with friends and it ended up in a trip to the Emergency Room. Yes this woman is strong. She is one of the tiniest people I know, but have no doubts, this woman is STRONG.

When I asked Adam what he admired most about Jessica as she went through all of this he answered:

I admire her strength both physically, and spiritually! She's a trooper and can handle a lot more than I can!.....it would be easy to turn to other "things" to help her through these times, but she turns to God as her source of strength and encouragement!

I love how much he loves her.


As their friend, the amazing thing I find about these two is that they haven't lost their sense of humor. While at times they are down, as ANYONE would be, their spirit has shown through incredibly. The times I have laughed the hardest in the last 6 months have been with these two. Even in their trials they know how to bring a smile to the faces of the people around them.


Some time back Adam wrote a song called Trials before all of this had happend. Part of the song reads:

"Send me through the fire. Send me through the pain. I would go through suffering, all for your name."

I'm sure he had no idea what path their lives would take when he wrote that, but these two have definitely been through the fire and pain and have had their share of suffering. Another line in that song reads:

"I'm praying for your presence now."

I'm pretty sure whether they have said those words or not that that has been the prayer of their heart more than a few times through all of this.

Adam and Jessica,
This is not a tragedy that has just happened to you. This is a story that is bigger than anyone can understand that you have a part in. I would never wish what has happened to you upon anyone, but the fact is that you are going to play a HUGE role in some people's lives. I can't even imagine what God's plan is for you. Whatever it is, I know it is big. The time that I have known you two has been short, but I do love you guys and am so very grateful for your friendship.

Love & Peace to you both!


-John

Our Journey with our Baby Trotter

Adam and I found out we were expecting on December 11th, 2009! Little did we know what God had in store for us. 

15 weeks pregnant with Baby Trotter

"Our God is greater, our God is stronger

God You are higher than any other

Our God is Healer, awesome and power

Our God, Our God… "

"God uses pain to produce humility and build character" -Ron- 2Rivers Church

God's timeline for our pain is always different from our own timeline.

"...though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that our faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed" 1Peter 1:6-7

"You alone can rescue, you alone can save"

Rain down on us, Lord, we need you.