It's crazy to think about what my life was like a year ago. Adam and I were packing up our first house, having many last "dates" with friends and remembering all the memories we had made. I believe my excitement may have pushed any other feelings my body was trying to express at that time, but I was ready, ready to start our new lives as we embraced God's plan for us. We took the leap. Of course we were sad to leave our friends and families and the life we knew in STL but we had been praying for many many months that God would open doors for us and that HE did.
As I reflect on my life from June 2011 to June 2012 the only word that sums it up is Transitioning. I don't think I have ever been through so many transitions in my life, I am thankful for all of them because they have changed me.
I remember pulling up to our apartment and seeing all kinds of wonderful people ready to help us move in! I couldn't believe all the love we were already feeling. Our apartment was stocked with drinks, food, paper plates, cleaning supplies and much more. As soon as we opened the doors people were in there cleaning and unloading our u-haul truck. As the weekend went on our families helped us put stuff away and unload any last items. At 5 months pregnant, this was a job.
On Sunday our families left. I remember standing outside our apartment door, Adam was holding our dog, Prince and I was holding Adams hand as we waved good-bye to our families as they pulled away. My mom never cried infront of me but as they turned the corner I could see her breaking. My mom and I have never had to experience being separated for a long period of time, let alone live in different cities. I had to transition my life without her physically there when I needed her.
Adam and I walked in our apartment sat on the couch and we both looked at each other and said "Is this for real? What do we do now?"
As time went on I was so wrapped up in getting our lives ready for this sweet baby to come into our world. It seemed like it took me forever to try and fit everything we owned into this little space! I had stuff tucked away EVERYWHERE. I had kitchen stuff in our bedrooms, it was tight. I made a ton of hair bows and decor for Tenley's room. I think I did some sort of craft everyday. I went home a couple times for babyshowers, which meant more stuff to put in this little space but we were blessed. I learned how to cook more than just our regular "AJ meal" I became a little domestic wifey :)
It was hard to have anyone over because it felt like we were sitting on top of each other!
The first of August came and all my teacher friends back home were going back to work. I was sad but also grateful that I had the opportunity to stay home. I wanted to be there with them. I wanted my desk in Jill's room again. I wanted my friends who knew me, knew my story. My friends who were there through one of the hardest times in my life. I wanted to do life with my lovely, funny, amazing, and strong friends at Lawson. I had to prepare to transition into my new career, being a mom.
It happened, something I never really thought about or processed. On August 24th, I got a phone call, "Jessica, uncle Ken passed away this morning"- I felt hopeless. I was 7 1/2 months pregnant 8 hours from my family in Kansas and I couldn't be there. The day was already a little hard for me, baby Trotters due date was exactly a year ago that day. My family had the funeral for my uncle a couple days later and that was very difficult not being able to love and support my Aunt and family.
Once September hit I was done. I was tired, sleepy all the time, my back hurt something fierce and I was not comfortable in my own skin, so I isolated myself.
October came and so did my due date. Of course on "Trotter time" Tenley was late! But on October 18th, 2011 at 9:59pm Tenley Marie Trotter was born and our whole world changed. I was thankful my mom was able to be a part of that special day with us and happy Adam's parents were able to come up as well. But then they all had to leave. We transitioned.
Having a baby away from your family is hard, period. We loved our church family and the friends we had began to form relationships with but at the time we just weren't "settled" or felt like we could just call for help.
Tenley's first 4 months were and still are a blur for me. I had the worst anxiety. I was overwhelmed. I was tired. I was sad to be away from "home". It was cold so I never wanted to leave but yet had these 4 walls caving in on me. We had a new born baby for the first time. I needed my mom. Adam and I had to learn everything together, but we GOT to do it together and that is beautiful. Even though it was a blur, I still remember it and I remember how in love I was with this beautiful person and still am today.
We went back to STL for Thanksgiving and for Christmas and it was a whirlwind. Traveling with a newborn baby and a dog, was a bit much. But we enjoyed the time we had showing off our little girl.
In the midst of having a new born baby and everything that comes with it we were house hunting. We found the perfect home and it was a short sale, which meant the biggest headache and lots of patience. We went back and fourth and finally God blessed us with a beautiful home. We became homeowners officially on December 29th. Transitioning on taking on some debt and a lot of work :)
After getting back from STL after the holidays it was time to focus our attention on getting our house ready to move in! My lovely husband and some pretty awesome friends helped paint our house, our whole house, EVERY wall in our house. It was a lot but we did it! So 8 months later after moving our lives, we were moving again. This time not as far but it was moving. We moved into our new house on my birthday. It was bittersweet. The selfish sin of mine snuck in on that day. It was the first time in 28 years I have never been without my mom and family on my birthday. It was rough. I remember sitting on the bathroom floor of our apartment with the door locked crying on the phone as quiet as I could to my mom. Earlier that morning I had ruined our couch and I think that was the icing on top of my emotions and I broke. Yes, my hormones were still transitioning. We did it, we moved in and once again stood on our porch waving good bye to Adams parents, this time holding our dog and our baby. Transition
The first 2 1/2 months living in our new home, I was putting stuff away again and making it our own. This time with a baby to take care of but I enjoyed it.
It hit me. It hit me hard. We just bought a house 4 hours from our families. We are here, this is our life now, we have our feet grounded and this is where we are going to raise our family. I began to feel guilty. I don't know why it hit me then but it did. I felt guilty for taking Tenley away from our families. I felt guilty for leaving my brother and sister. I am suppose to protect them, guide them and love on them and how am I going to do that when I am not there? My brother was getting ready to graduate high school, my sister was going into junior high and where was I? Transitioning.
Unfortunately, in March I had another bad, unexpected phone call. Another uncle of mine passed away in a motorcycle accident. It was really hard for my family.
God is doing some big things in my heart and in our lives. I have prayed. I have asked for prayer. Adam and I are blessed with such an amazing support team in STL and here in Indy. Everything I have prayed for, I have received. I don't deserve it. But I am in awe, awestruck wonder of how God has blessed me.
After all the transitioning we have been through we can finally breathe, we can finally focus now on relationships and where God has planted us. I am so excited for new things to come. I am excited for our LifeGroup and to go thru "Real Marriage" with some amazing couples. I am excited for MOPs next semester, I am excited for MOPs play dates this summer. I am excited for Tenley to go in the nursery at church so I can focus on the message and worship! I am excited to have people over to our home and have fellowship. I am excited for what God has in store for us.
Thank you family and friends for loving on me, praying for me and standing by my side while I was distant or maybe sometimes a little hesitant. Thank you to my husband who is the best partner, best friend and an amazing father! We did it, babe. We moved out of state, had a baby and bought a house in under a years times. whoa. We took that leap of faith and we landed in the right spot!
my life is beautiful. I am ready to embrace it. I know at times it can be hard but it isn't impossible with God's love!
Time to move out of Transition
