5 year anniversary of Baby Trotter

Five years.... I can't even believe it.  Five years ago is when I started this blog. It was a way for me to share our journey with family and friends, maybe in hopes of my healing process. I am a horrible writer. I make plenty of writing and grammar errors... :)

anyways...

2015 we dedicated a lot of this year to our sweet Baby Trotter (BT). We wanted to do several things in honor of his short life. We didn't want our journey with him to be forgotten. Adam and I grew closer to God and to each other through his short life. There are times I wish I was still the same person I was before March 1st, 2010. There are times I miss my old self. I wasn't so fearful. I wasn't so cautious of everything (health, people, any situation...) I never experienced a panic attack or had anxiety. I laughed more and was more laid back. As I look at myself today I can say although I lost part of myself that year, I believe I gained more. I gained more compassion for others especially during a trying time in their life. I gained more trust in God. I cherish relationships and people more and I love deeper. I am not perfect but I serve a perfect God who can heal and restore!

Here are some things we did in honor of our journey with Baby Trotter.

Decemeber 11th, 2009 we found out we were pregnant with Baby Trotter and SHARE (nationalshare.org) puts on a Angel of Hope candle light service every year in December. This year we weren't able to go and participate in this but our dear friends John and Adrienne were able to attend for us. John and Adrienne, along with our parents and other amazing friends, saw us at our lowest after losing BT. They were with us in hospital visits, they were there when I was so sick after my injections. They made us laugh during a period in our life where we felt like all we did was cry.

January- SHARE puts out a news letter for parents or anyone affected by a miscarriage or early infant loss. This month in 2015 I decided to write about our experience and how to cope after a miscarriage. My article ended up being published in their news letter.

March-  March 1st, 2010 during my 16 week OB check up we found out we lost him and March 4th, 2010 was when I had surgery so we decided this year to purchase a brick in the Blanchette park in Saint Charles, MO. SHARE has an amazing area here for parents and the angle of hope statue is there too.

May- Our brick was laid and we were able to go and see it on our 6th wedding anniversary!

August- is the month BT was due. His due date was August 24th, 2010. This year days before the 5 year anniversary of his due date we found out we were pregnant! I can't even explain the overwhelming JOY and FEAR I had running through my mind and still do today. So much of this pregnancy has reminded me of his journey, rather its dates or symptoms.

October- SHARE has a walk they do every year. The last time and only time we participated in the walk was in 2010. In 2015 we wanted so badly to be there but just didn't work out. We still registered and got shirts in order for his name to be said at the ceremony.

December of 2009 is when we wrapped gifts for our families with bibs in them and announced during prayer that we were pregnant with BT. Every Christmas since then has always been a little hard because of the reminder of the first time we mentioned our sweet BT. 2015 we got to announce on Christmas the gender of our baby now, BOY! It was so good for my soul. Christmas is now going to feel a little different for me from now on.

They changed my due date from April 25th, 2016 to May 4th, 2016. Now let me just say the 1st and 4th are sometimes hard especially in March. How crazy if our Beckett Adam comes on May 1st or May 4th?? God has amazing ways to show his faithfulness and love for us and we have 2 healthy babes with us today!

My prayer is that I am able to give someone HOPE who is going through a similar journey and I can show them the love of Jesus through the journey we have been on. Since 2010 God has placed people and friends in my life that I was able to do just that. Baby Trotters life was short but my prayer is that it was and still is meaningful!

xo
jess

Our babes...

Turns out I wrote this blog post a year ago and never posted it.... So before I write another updated post on our journey, I'll go ahead and hit publish on this one :)



It's crazy it's been a year since our last family update! We have been a little busy adding another one to the bunch :)

Here's a little update on Tenley, who is now THREE!

Tenley has took on her roll as a big sister for sure, she was a little hesitant for first couple months but Im pretty certain she loves having him around, most of the time. Tenley is pretty obsessed with Christmas, you will hear her sing Christmas songs a couple times a week if not once a day, so it's a good thing it's almost here again. I finally was able to put the nativity set away back in April. She will randomly ask where "Mar Mar" and "Jophes" are along with baby Jesus.

Tenley is a big fan of going on pretend picnics and bear hunts. Thanks to her grandma Trotter, who taught her about bear hunts, we hunt for bears ALL. DAY. LONG. Tenley also loves seek and find books. She has a Frozen one and a Princess one.  Tenley recieves highlight magazines every month and they also have a page with seek and find. She looks forward to getting her new magazine in the mail!

PUZZLES! She still LOVES puzzles. One time while we were at grandma Trotters house she was able to do a 16 piece puzzle all by herself. Tenley is a bookworm for sure, she will sit quietly in her room when I am busy with Jett and get ALL her books off her bookshelf and "read" them.  Adam and I had Tenely do swimming lessons this summer and lets just say... she cried... a lot but it got better. We just enrolled her in dance class and it's the cutest thing ever.

I started to do some preschool things with Tenley and she just loves to learn! We have been learning the states and she can identify and name 12 states. We are working on spelling her name and tracing her letters. She also is learning bible verses and it's just so awesome.

Tenley, like a lot of little girls, is a BIG fan of Frozen. She knows all the songs and we have to act out parts of the movie most days. She is always Elsa :) For her 3rd birthday we had a day filled with the 4 of us plus grandma and grandpa Trotter and everything FROZEN!

one of our favorite lines Tenley says "I just love you all the time"


Here's a little bit about Jett Edward :)

Tenley and Jett our like night and day! I felt like a new mom all over again and at times thought, I have NO idea what I am doing or what else to do. Although he is very laid back and go with the flow, he has challenged us for sure :)

For awhile if it were up to Jett, he would have mommy hold him all day...all day! He has gotten better and explores and plays more. Tenley and Jett are really starting to play together! He gets bored very easily and needs to change things up every 5-10 minutes. His favorite thing to do is take a bath! As soon as we go into the bathroom he gets so excited and starts to squeal!

His little personality is really starting to show. He is so funny just like his sissy. For awhile, I thought Jett was going to take after me and be more shy, reserved or should we say...an introvert haha but he may just be like his daddy and sissy! Jett for sure is a momma's boy and I sure hope he stays that way, he melts my heart!

Jett is ONE! 

The boy can pull some serious hair! Poor Tenley seems to always be the victim. She will walk by him and some how he can grab her hair so fast, he has some ninja like skills for sure. Poor Prince has been the victim too many times as well. Tenley is so sweet and will give Jett toys and try and play with him. I pray they are close as they get older and have a special bond. I also pray Tenley starts playing with Jett more than prince...that poor dog. Prince at some point in the day will have some kind of dress up clothes on. Prince is truly Tenley's best friend.